


to the sky

by catspajama_llamas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Cinderella AU, Falling In Love, Forgotten Memories, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Blood and Gore, Nightmares, Reunion, Slight fluff, Slow Build, fairytale AU, past abuse and trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:39:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4548855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catspajama_llamas/pseuds/catspajama_llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it is said, we dream of our past lives, of parallel universes where alternate versions of ourselves live.</p><p>Sometimes, we dream to remind ourselves of all we forgot throughout the day.</p><p>Sometimes, we dream of a love we were left bereft of.</p><p>(In which they were royalty, until the clock struck midnight.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	to the sky

**Author's Note:**

> _"Oh, but dreams have a knack of just not coming true,_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _And time is against me now.."_

You were thrown down the stairs of the cellar, your aunt's silhouette standing on the top of the stairwell. 

You tumbled to the ground, tears welling down your cheeks as you glared at her, betrayed.

"By the way, I threw away your books. There's no need for them."

Those were her parting words as she slammed the cellar door, padlocking it behind her.

Those were your father's books.

You had only asked if you could go to the ball.

~

You lived with your aunt and your cruel cousins. Your father had long since passed away, and your mother had met the same fate a few years prior overworking herself. Sometimes you felt you were heading down the same path, living to please others and making sure no one else but yourself would ever be hurt. You didn't think much about it, if you could avoid it.

You made the most of your life, trying to always give your aunt and cousins Rize and Yamori a smile no matter how horridly they treated you. Your hair had long ago turned a shock of white because of everything they submitted you to. 

You made the most of it, and it was all you had, apart from your father's books.

You never even really enjoyed those books, but they were everything to you. They had been all you had.

~

You had wanted to go to the prince's ball, which the entire kingdom had been buzzing in excitement over.

The prince was to be throwing a grand ball in celebration of his upcoming coronation. But to be coronated, he must also find someone to marry and rule by his side. Thus the ball was also for finding him a partner, and to everyone's great surprise, they were giving an open invitation to all, both poor and wealthy, in the kingdom. 

You didn't know anything about the prince, nor did you know what he looked like, but you had wanted to go anyways. It wasn't so much in the hopes of becoming royalty, but more so that you might be able to enjoy one of your birthdays. The ball was to take place on yours, and you hadn't had a pleasant one since your father died. Your mother was never around for birthdays while she was still alive. 

The day finally came, your 19th birthday and the day of the ball. You asked if you could go as you put down your aunt and cousins' breakfast, hesitant and a little fearful.

"The ball? The prince's ball? The one to find him a suitor?" She incredulously asked, disbelief in her expression. Rize and Yamori flicked their eyes towards you, grins appearing on their faces.

"Yes.. It is my birthday today, and I had wanted to go. You won't even have to know I'm there," you said nervously.

Your aunt looked back to your cousins, and all three began laughing. You visibly shrank into yourself.

"What, are you hoping somehow he'll choose you to be his partner? Kaneki, this is by far the stupidest idea you have ever had in that pathetic mind of yours. Do you REALLY think he'll fall for such a rat as yourself?"

They all chittered in unpleasant laughter again. You began to flush.

"No, of course not! I don't even know him! I just wanted to go for my birthday.. I haven't- I mean, I just wanted to.. Have fun for it.."

"Oh, so our company is _unenjoyable_ , is it? You mean to say you haven't had a single happy birthday in my care before? Oh, dear. Are you _sure_ you want to say that, you disgusting mutt?"

The color faded from your face, and you gripped the edges of your dirty apron.

"If you want, I can REALLY show you an unfavorable time, since you obviously don't appreciate all that I do for you."

"N-no, no! No, I do appreciate all you do for me, I do, I love you all dearly, I just-"

At that point Rize whispered something in her ear, hand covering her mouth from your eyes. Your aunt smirked.

"On second thought, I suppose I could allow you to attend the ball. It is your birthday, after all. Birthdays are supposed to be special. I will allow you to go, on a few conditions."

You gulped, a mix of nerves and a whisper of hope you tried not to feel.

"One, you will do your chores that myself and your cousins assign to you. Two, you will wear nothing else to the ball other than what you are currently wearing. You will tell no one that you bear any relation to ourselves. Three, you will find your own means of transportation to the ball. You are not welcome to go with us, nor will you associate with us at the ball. Are we clear?"

You felt your stomach drop with her words, but you also felt elated that she had given you sheer permission to go. _Finally, something goes right!_

You aunt sees the flicker of excitement on your face. Her eyes grow darker, roaming around the room until they fall onto a bag by the ashy fireplace. She stands up, going to the fireplace and examining the bag. She opens it, dumping all of its contents into the ashes.

"You'll start by picking up all one thousand of those lentils, exactly."

Your excitement fades.

She smiles, serene as she saunters out of the room.

"Children, come along. I _do_ so hope you make it in time, dear Kaneki."

She flashes a wicked smile at you before she exits. She was not expecting you to go at all.

You don't allow yourself to cry. It would only be a waste of the precious time you have left before the ball starts, and there is work to be done. Thinking about it, you almost feel happy. She had certainly done worse to you, and the task seemed relatively easy in comparison. You kneeled in front of the fireplace, beginning your task.

You forgot Rize and Yamori were still in the room.

"Kaneki-kun, are you sure you can handle your workload? I'm not sure you'll make it in time.. Maybe I could help you?" Rize smiles sweetly, standing right next to you. You don't trust her.

"Oh, no, that's fine, Rize-san. Thank you very-"

At that moment you feel an intense, throbbing pain from your fingers, letting out a scream. You had been caught unawares by Yamori in your exchange with Rize, and he took the opportunity to crush your fingers under his foot. You try to wrench your hand out from under his step, but he only adds more pressure, grinding his foot.

"You're so lucky, Kaneki. What would you do without us?" Yamori grins widely down at you with malice in his eyes. He takes pleasure in the scream you let out again as you writhe under his foot, finally lifting it and releasing you only to kick you full-force in the ribs. You fall over, trying not to let another sound escape you as you curl inwards with pain. You think the fingers on your right hand may be broken.

"You better fucking thank us, little bitch," he growls. He kicks you hard a few more times, Rize laughing until she chides him that they have to get ready now or they shall be late. Yamori chuckles, and they leave.

It wasn't the worst they had done.

 

You had finished your chore within an hour of the ball starting. The pain was only just starting to ebb away, but you still felt incredibly sore. You were happy nonetheless, because you had finished, and now you could finally go. Finally..

That is, until your aunt had walked in. 

"I'm finished," you said weakly, smiling. "All thousand of them."

She only gave you an icy stare filled with hatred.

"Just like your good-for-nothing mother."

And that was when she had dragged you away to the cellar and thrown you down the stairs.

~

Now you hear your family getting ready for the ball upstairs, their shouts and yells at their various servants being audible even from the cellar. You finally hear them storm out of the chateau doors, and the trotting of horses as the carriages pull them away. Your tears have dried, and you feel devastated, the pain intensifying from lying on the cold, stone floor. You curl up on yourself, finding some rags to wrap around you. Happy birthday, indeed..

Then, suddenly, you hear a light tapping on the high-up windows of the cellar. You don't pay it any mind until it becomes more rapid, and you lift yourself up from the floor to inspect the disturbance. Finding a few boxes to stand up on, you peer out the small window. Outside is a tiny, little mouse, staring you right in the eye. The little mouse quirks its head to the side, as if asking for permission to come inside. You've always had a soft spot for animals, and you open the window's latch almost immediately. 

_Dear reader.._

The mouse hops down onto a nearby box, a little lower from eye level where you stand. She's scrawny, but her soft brown fur is glossy. Her eyes are wide and inquisitive, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say they look knowing.

"Little Mouse, what are you doing here? I'm sure you have something better to do than to be here," you say. "Surely there's nothing here for someone such as yourself."

She looks at you a few moments longer, a light happiness in her eyes. Her tail twitches in interest. 

"That's where you're wrong. I'm here for you, Ken Kaneki. There's someone who would very much like to meet you again."

She finishes, looking at you expectantly. You don't know how to respond. You don't have any friends, nor do you have many acquaintences outside of the chateau's servants. Before you can voice your confusion, she jumps out of the window again, sitting on the grass there beckoning to you. "You wanted to go to the ball, didn't you? So what are you waiting for?"

You stall again, confusion growing. "But.. I can't. I'm locked in down here, and I can't fit through the window. Besides that, I don't even have anything suitable to wear for such an event." Your eyes grow solemn again.

"That didn't seem to bother you before. You're not gonna let that stop you, are you?"

You startle at the bright voice until you see the little body it belongs to. The voice belongs to a tiny fairy no bigger than the Little Mouse it floats down beside. He has shiny golden wings with touches of orange and red to match his orangish-blonde hair. As you look on at him, he gives you a wide smile that reminds you of the sun.

"Come on, Kaneki. Let's get you ready for that ball!" He winks, his smile becoming mischievous as he brings out a sparkling wand behind him. Before you know it, you feel a rush of wind around you and suddenly you're standing on the grass, in front of the window you had previously been talking to them behind and, indeed, out of the cellar you had been locked up in.

"W-what-"

"No time for questions! We gotta get you dressed, it's almost time!" The fairy makes a few flicks of his wand, flying around and around you, and you feel flustered trying to figure out what's going on. As soon as it begins, it is over, just like how the fairy brought you out of the cellar. You feel a little heavy, and you gasp as you look down. The Little Mouse's tail curls, and the fairy looks pleased.

Instead of the tattered, dirty clothing you had been wearing, you are now dressed in an extraordinarily elegant ballgown. It flows and blossoms around you, a silvery, powdery light blue, layers and layers of chiffon, silk, tulle and taffeta pooling around you. It glitters as you spin, and you notice the white gloves that cover a little past your elbows. The neckline dips into a sweetheart cut, and the sleeves are puffy, but tastefully so. Your pain has vanished. 

You feel as if you are royalty yourself. 

Tears well in your eyes again, but this time it's in happiness. You can't remember the last time you felt so wonderful. You're left speechless.

"Thank you so much.. But how can I ever repay you? I don't have anything. I don't even know your name!" You look at the fairy desperately. The fairy and the mouse exchange an amused look. The fairy looks back at you.

"For starters, I'm Hide. And you can repay me by going to that ball!" He laughs, zooming around you in a circle. You feel warm, and you laugh as Hide flicks glitter onto you. He stops, suddenly growing serious. 

"Now.. how should we get you there.." Hide looks around, until he sees a pumpkin growing in the garden the three of you stand in. Two white rabbits lay near it, alert to the scene. Hide lights up. 

"It's perfect!" 

He zips around again, working his magic in a swirl of wind and soft sparkles of color. You watch amazed, a carriage sitting before you where moments before had been a pumpkin. The Little Mouse nudges you with her tail, wanting to be picked up. You pick her up and make your way over to the open carriage. It is lovely and sleek, a sophisticated monochrome.

You hear something else, and suddenly you see Hide in human form, bowing and inviting you to step in the carriage. You look to the side and see that the rabbits have been turned into white horses, ready to pull the carriage. The Little Mouse prances around in your hand, urging you to move forward.

"Happy birthday, Kaneki," Hide says quietly, gently taking your hand and kissing it, giving you a lift into the carriage. You blush.

Hide runs around to the front of the carriage to take the reins.

"Alright, Banjou, Hinami- let's go!"

He snaps the reigns on the horses' backs, and off the three of you go to the ball.

~

Hide had said something rather strange before you left. 

"Remember, Kaneki, you have to be back before midnight, that's when the spell will break. But after it breaks, be careful for me. Things aren't always what they seem. And please, please remember us later. Promise me you'll fight until the end. With all you've got. We're gonna miss you, but you have to remember. For us. For you. We'll all be waiting for you to come back. Okay?"

He had given you a somber smile, tilting his head and pulling you into a tight hug, as if it were the last he'd ever give you. You asked for clarification, confused and a little worried, but he would give you none, and neither he nor the Little Mouse could go with you to the ball. So you left, excited, but also a little lonely. It was nothing you hadn't dealt with before, though. The strange speech was packed away into the back of your mind, being replaced by worry that your aunt and cousins would see you instead.

~

Approaching the castle, you see the ball has already started. Your stomach churns, quickly walking up the steps, hearing the multitude of voices and music escaping from inside.

When you walk up the steps, you see two guards standing out in front of the doors. One looks very, very laid back, jet-black hair and what appears to be tattoos from the skin that isn't covered by his uniform. The other on the left is much more formal in manner, and he holds a sense of authority about him. _He's beautiful,_ you can't help but think, seeing the bespectacled man with white hair about the shade of yours. You also can't help but feel a little in awe of him, a weak sense of foreboding following. 

You're intimidated to approach the guards, but you must if you want to enter the castle. They stare straight at you the rest of the way up and you pale, feeling the fear grow ever slightly stronger deep, deep within your gut. _It's nothing,_ you try to reassure yourself, palms growing sweaty. 

You finally stand in front of them, your head lowered until you rise back up, smiling and looking both of them in the eye. The white-haired man gives you a thin smile in return, and the tattooed one straightens up a little, intrigued by you. You wish they'd just open the doors already.

"Aren't you cute. That's a lovely dress you're wearing. I do some designing myself, but I don't recognize the style. Where'd you get it from?" The black-haired guard asks you, leaning closer into your personal space. You stand your ground. You won't be intimidated by him. 

"A friend made this for me, actually. Thank you!" You smile, earning a sound of vague interest from the guard. You notice, as you make eye contact again, that his eyes are all-black, his irises red. _Nothing._

"Kudos to them for me. Though I'd add an eyepatch to the look, I think it'd suit you. Not like you have to worry about that, though. You'll be able to snag the crown from Tsukiyama no problem looking like that anyways."

"O-oh, no, it's not like that, I-"

"Uta," the white-haired guard interjects, voice calm in his reprimand but yet still commanding. You try not to snap your head towards his remark, heart racing and still trying to hold back a dark flush, the one named Uta paying no heed to your stammered objection. _Calm down._

"Our guest is only trying to attend the prince's ball. We shouldn't stop him with needless banter," he tells Uta. Uta makes another noncommittal sound, looking away as he moves to open the door he stands in front of. He goes into a slight bow, looking back and waiting for you to pass through. He curls his lips in a disconcerting smile.

"Yes, Arima."

Arima turns back to you, giving you the same thin smile he gave you a few minutes ago. It doesn't reach his eyes.

_Dear Reader.._

"Have fun, Kaneki."

You only smile back at him as he pulls open the door and goes into a bow, hand over his heart. Both of them keep their eyes on you as you pass through, and there they stay until the doors close behind you with a dull, heavy sound.

You give a sigh of relief, your discomfort settling into curiosity and amazement as you take in the scene before you, the mingled sounds of voices and music enveloping you.

A few more steps out of the entrance way, and there lies the grand staircase descending into the ballroom. A few more steps, and you witness elegance as you have never known before. 

You've finally made it to the ball.

 

Hide's words have been all but forgotten.

~

The noise becomes hushed in the luxurious room, voices that had been bouncing off of the white marble walls turning to whispers as all eyes turn to see you walking down the staircase entwined with gold, your dress trailing gracefully behind.

_"Who is he?_

_"I don't recall-"_

_"I don't have a chance now-"_

_"That can't be.."_

_"Surely he-"_

_"Of course not."_

_"He's gorgeous.."_

The voices continue, and you start faltering, self-conscious of all the eyes and attention on you- until you see a vibrant color like no other from the corner of your eye.

It slowly turns more into focus, all other colors washing out save for that single glimpse of violet.

You cast your eyes on it and your heart stops.

He stands to the left of the crowd, a vision in regal wear, exuding beauty and confidence like no other even as he stands turned, speaking with a smaller boy who appears to be his servant. He doesn't notice the change in the atmosphere, until he sees his servant's eyes turn to where you are on the steps. The boy's face falls into an unreadable expression, and that's when the man turns his head towards you. His eyes widen, and he becomes stock still. He's enraptured by your sight.

You don't see anything, anyone, but him.

You know without knowing that this is Shuu Tsukiyama, 

the Prince, 

_that one,_

and all else fades away.

 

_Dear Reader.._

_Please._

~

You can't remember how, but somehow you both make your way to each other, meeting halfway in the center of the ballroom. The crowd has dissipated to the sides, forming a circle around the two of you, an unknown and the Prince. No one dares speak now.

You both stay silent for a moment when you approach each other, inches in between you and your bated breaths. You don't know how, but somehow he feels familiar to you. He reminds you of the pages of your father's books. You search each other's eyes. 

You know without a doubt the two of you have never met before, but yet you know, without a doubt, you have met once before, another lifetime ago.

You know, but you ask anyways.

"Have we.. Met.. Before?"

The question is only an utterance, barely audible with the weight of the emotion you are being pulled under.

He, the Prince, only looks at you for a few, seemingly endless moments. There is a depth within his eyes, a sadness that shows through his smile. He looks much more mature than what you had imagined. He grasps your hand, bringing it level to his lips. His other hand goes over his heart.

"No, we have not. But I assure you, I would love to know you. If you would be so kind as to introduce yourself to me," he says, tone low as yours so as not to be eavesdropped on. Everyone's eye still lingers on the both of you standing in the middle of the ballroom floor.

He reminds you of the pages of your father's books.

Another life that you have lived, yet never known.

"Yes," you reply.

The Prince kneels before you, keeping eye contact as his lips brush your hand. He closes his eyes briefly. His eyelashes are like butterfly wings.

"Well then. If I may be so bold as to ask.. Would you share this dance with me, mon cher?"

He smiles up at you, a teasing lilt to his demeanor. He is composed, but you can sense that the disconnect still lingers. 

You are almost certain now. 

But there are others watching.

You don't curtsy. It's not much like you. You grip the hand that still holds your own, gently, a soft pressure. You do, however, smile, returning his actions.

"I'd love for nothing more than to dance with you, Prince Tsukiyama."

Tsukiyama grins.

~

He leads you through not just one song, but many.

The way the both of you move together is jerky at first, but after time your movements become more fluid, steps of grace seeping into every turn and waltz with time. Before long, you move together as one, and you feel breathless, entranced by the Prince's garnet eyes. You feel a strange emotion course through you. You're not sure how you feel, but at the same time you feel at ease. Flyleafs and faded prints, a scent and touch that lay at the very outermost recesses of your mind. Others share the dance floor, but the both of you are still the focal point of the evening.

Tsukiyama holds your hand delicately but firmly throughout each dance as you twirl in and out of his arms. He pulls you in closer with each twirl outwards, his hand immediately finding purchase on your waist again. Despite his actions, he is never demanding, even though you feel as if it is what you should expect. On the contrary, he makes you feel treasured. You can't fathom why he would treat you in such a manner. You, of all people..

You begin to understand the emotion you can't quite read on him. 

You yearn for something you can't quite remember, but yet are certain you know.

But there are others there.

You grow heavy with consciousness.

The waltz you share holds so much more meaning than you had realized.

And you realize,

with sorrow,

Another life, another time.

 

A goodbye.

 

It's not enough.

It wasn't enough.

He, for once, understands this.

 

The song ends, and you move closer together.

You want him closer.

It's not enough.

He pulls you in tight to his chest, gently, gently, and your foreheads touch. Breathing grows heavier. You feel as if something is crawling its way through your chest, ready to rip out of your lungs. Out your eyes.

You stay, foreheads touching, until a while after the next song starts and the people around you start to dance again, a sea of moving bodies and switching partners, one after another.

The two of you stand, until you realize the world is moving around you.

You both open your eyes, realizing you must move.

_Dear reader,_

_**please** _

"Let's move out to the garden, shall we?" He whispers.

"Let's," you agree. Your heart is pounding.

He smiles, a sorrowful, weary look. He takes your hand, holding it tight. You intertwine fingers. You tilt your head, giving a reassuring squeeze to his hand. You walk together as one out to the garden.

You feel so, so small passing through the wide, high-arched French doors. 

 

_.. History must not repeat itself._

~

You walk together outside in the gardens, illuminated by the light being cast by the full moon. For the most part, you are alone, the only people being the guards standing by the doors you came out through. It's the best you can hope for. 

Tsukiyama leads you to a little hidden alcove in the garden, sitting down on the stone bench there and gesturing for you to sit next to him. You sit down close to him and look out onto the well-trimmed garden. There are flowers of every sort, with a litter of rose bushes creating almost a maze of the garden paths. A large fountain sits in the middle of the scenery, just visible from where the two of you sit. Stone cherubs rest about it, in various states of play and serenity. 

You feel Tsukiyama shift next to you. When you turn towards him, you see him pluck a rose from the nearby hedge. The rose is fully bloomed, a lush red bleeding outward from the innermost petals. He faintly touches the pristine petals, a light blush gracing his features. His eyes flick towards you, and your breath catches. He moves in closer, something growing deep within you when you feel his face grow close to yours. You keep your eyes on each other the whole time.

"I never told you," he begins, stretching his hand out, tracing the shell of your ear, tucking your hair behind it, 

"just how beautiful I've always thought you are." 

He tucks the rose behind your ear, playing with the hair that rests there, the petals on the rose, until he moves his trailing fingers downward to caress your cheek.

"I've always ever loved you for all you are, Kaneki-kun."

He inclines his head, inching ever closer.

There is nothing but the two of you, and your heart races, feeling him cradle your head as he tips your chin forward, his soft lips brushing against your own in a tender, passionate kiss.

You respond, wrapping your arms gingerly around him, pulling him in closer. 

The kiss deepens. 

Time has stopped, and nothing is real.

_nothing is-_

As his tongue traces your lips, you hear it. 

The blaring sound of the clock chiming, announcing that midnight has arrived.

_"Be careful for me-"_

And suddenly the spell is shattered. 

 

You freeze, a shudder passing through you as you all but rip apart from Tsukiyama. You abruptly snap your head back towards the castle, the chimes of the clock still breaking through the deathly quiet night.

You don't feel safe, and there are eyes watching.

"Kaneki!"

 

Suddenly, the scene changes. All is black, and you are suddenly in the middle of a deep, congested forest. Your dress has disappeared, replaced by a bodysuit just as black as the night that envelopes you. The air is suffocating, and you wrench your head back to the panicked voice you hear. Anxiety grows. Tsukiyama lays in a collapsed pile on the floor, his face a wreck. The floor is checkered, black and white. He reaches for you.

"Please.. For dear life.."

Your stomach drops in a sickening plummet. You feel nauseous. Eyes are watching. Fear paramounts. You want to protect, to stay, to love, to hold, but he doesn't understand-

"No- Tsukiyama-san, I have to-"

A sharp pain shoots through your skull, and you double over, nearly toppling to the floor.

_If you are going to fade,_

Tsukiyama deteriorates before you, becoming nothing more than skin and bones, nearly skeletal. 

"Would you please-"

The searing pain intensifies behind your eyes. You start screaming. You grip your face. Ripping away flesh. To get rid of the voice- hers-

_**Dear Reader,** _

_"Kaneki-kuuuun~"_ she coos. 

_**"NO! YOU DON'T-"** _

"not-"

she surrounds you, gripping your chin and ripping it towards her, cackling, unwelcome hands pressing, wrong, disgusting, sick, too much, too hard, too-

_**"GYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"** _

An ear splitting scream escapes you, flesh tearing- blood pouring from eyes-

"go?"

_I will do so with you_

_**"aaaAAAAHHHHHH!!!** _

You're being shredded apart, into pieces, ripped, torn, limb from limb-

_**"mother, mother, MOTHER, SAVE ME, SAVE-"** _

A skeleton lies before you where Tsukiyama was, the scene tumultuously transitioning into white. Encompassing. Pure. Blaring. Inescapable.

Screams wrack through your mangled body, skull snapping along fissures.

"Oh.."

He stands before you.

He is beautiful.

He is terrifying.

He is Death.

He is God.

His glasses glint.

Not a fleck of blood on his coat.

You're impaled on his staff.

"I see. You're.."

Your torso is torn in half, a sickening series of crunches as neck is severed from torso.

Only blaring white noise and screams reverberate through the room, and all disappears, the noise growing louder, louder, _LOUDER,_ thrown into a case by clinical, precise hands, louder, confinement, cold, suffocating, can't breathe, _LOUDER, **LOUDER,**_ CAN'T BREATHE I'M BREAKING, **I'M BREAKING,** MOTHER **MOTHER _PLEASE_ SAVE ME I'M SO FUCKED UP PLEASE REMEMBER PLEASE LOOK AT ME DON'T GO _PLEASE JUST FUCKING LOOK AT-_**

 

"MAMAN!!"

A voice shrieks, terrified, startling Haise's thrashing, writhing form in his bed sheets up from his nightmare. He all but jumps out of bed, panting, eyes wild. His heart threatens to burst out of his chest.

_He is Ainu his eyebrows sparkling his white beard hangs down his chest the thatched mats spread outside of his chise spread softly his splendid attos-_

"Maman, MAMAN, are you alright? Maman! Please!" 

Haise trys to control his breathing, body shuddering, his eyes snapping to Saiko sitting nearly directly in front of him on the bed. She looks scared out of her mind, tears running down her face. Her hands still grasp firmly on his arms, in a death grip. He remembers where he is, as he tries to stop his body from its violent shudders. Nightmares like this aren't an uncommon experience for him, but Saiko has never witnessed one of them.

He tries to collect himself enough to think, but he still feels a horrible pain behind his eyes. His eyes shut again.

"Maman!"

_Autumn.._

_In and out. In and out. Deep breaths._

Haise lets out a shaky breath, falling ever so slowly back into composure. He must do it for Saiko's sake. He tries to get a sense of himself and where he is. His shirt is soaked through with sweat. The world is devoid of color once more. He opens his eyes again, looking at her and lying one of his trembling hands upon hers. He attempts to smile.

"Saiko.. What are you doing up so early?"

"Ma _man!_ "

She tackles his still shaking form into a tight hug. He feels a few more tears slip onto his shoulder. He assesses himself again, calming down as his body returns to its normal state.

He hadn't realized, but he had been crying as well. His eyes feel swollen.

He hugs her back, sighing deeply. 

"I'm sorry, Saiko. I didn't mean to frighten you."

She huffs, stifling a sob. She's quiet for a minute, until she too is controlled enough to speak.

"It's okay, maman. I will give you power."

Haise laughs, feeling himself calm. Inanely, his thoughts drift to the sickly man he had talked to the other day, remembering Saiko had said something similar to him. The man had said he liked reading as well.. Maybe he should try talking to him again. Maybe it would help him feel better.

"Thank you Saiko," he says, giving her a warm smile.

Saiko disentangles herself from Haise, sitting in front of him now. She wipes the tears from her eyes, still looking worried. "Do you want to talk about your dream?" She asks.

Haise freezes. He doesn't want to think about it. But his thoughts drift again, only to realize he doesn't remember anything about his dream. He only has a vague notion that it was somehow connected to his past life, Kaneki's life. He only feels very hollow, and very empty. Sorrow burrows itself away in the deepest, darkest part of his heart.

"I.. I don't remember it," he responds. 

Saiko just looks at him, trying to read his expression. She hums, nestling herself into the bed after a few minutes. She starts to become comfortable again, reminding Haise of a cat.

Saiko knows that deep down, Haise is very lonely, and knows it best if she stay for a while. Maybe they should all invest in a cat for him. It might help to calm him down as well.

"I came in here because Arima called. We all have to be in a meeting today for our next mission.." She groans. She hates meetings.

"Okay. That means we should get ready soon, don't you think?" He winks at Saiko, who only groans even louder than before again. Haise laughs. He doesn't think life would be quite the same without her.

"Well.. I suppose we can wait a little while before that. Just for today."

 

~

The white haired boy inside of you seethes, in his shadow lying the monster you still somewhat feared.

You might not have noticed, but he certainly did.

Violet, though faded.

He cannot possibly ever be mistaken.

He aches.

"Haise," he whispers. He's been waiting for so very long..

"Haise.."

 

_Please remember us. We'll all be waiting for you._

**Author's Note:**

> And with that, the longest fic I have written thus far is done.
> 
> The Kenderella omake is by far my favorite besides the festival one (for obvious reasons lol), and I've been wanting to write something about it for a long time now. Obviously, this fic was very loosely based upon it. It's really different from anything I've written before, which I'm happy about! I tried to throw in a few of my headcanons, one being that Haise is colorblind. I don't think that there's any support for it as far as I remember, but it's an interesting thought I like to think about. Another one is that Kaneki did recognize Shuu when he collapsed in front of Haise. Apparently there were a few other people who caught onto this as well, but we won't know for sure until we hear Haise's own thoughts and/or any future dialect with/from Kaneki. BUT I BELIEVE lmao
> 
> Also, there was a quote in the fic along the lines of "if you fade, I will do so with you." Well, if you haven't seen where this comes from yet- 
> 
> http://peche-le-plus-divin.tumblr.com/post/126378307280/
> 
> just fuck me up
> 
> Also! The title of this fic is the title of another song. It's one of my favorites, and I think it fits everything really well. The lyric quoted in the beginning notes is also from another favorite song of mine, and I thought about it a lot while writing. If you're interested:
> 
> To the Sky: http://youtu.be/IN9YO_J0iLU
> 
> Accept Yourself: http://youtu.be/k9aa0aGBaA0
> 
> Very stereotypical of me, IM SORRY.
> 
> anyways, my tumblr is @shuuchans-spicy-pajimmyjams! It would make my day if you talked to me about the shoonekis I am so weak
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS. IF YOU GOT THIS FAR, thank you so very much for reading!! :3


End file.
